I am ruined. I know I said that before, but at the time I didn’t realize how much deeper this could go. I am more ruined for His heart than I thought could ever be possible. I have truly found a love worth dying for, and I will go the lengths to see that I live a life worthy of Jesus and what He died for.
I don’t even know where to begin to explain what I’ve learned this summer. I guess I could start with: the gospel is real. Jesus is real. God is real. The Holy Spirit is real. The realities of eternal life are real. These things are more real than what we see around us…. “for the things seen are temporary but the unseen is eternal.” (2Cor4:18).
I have seen that the desires in my heart and the DNA of my spirit is real, as I have seen it in action. I have desired to see the bible lived out in fullness and to be around people who carried the same fire, fiery passion and fervor for the Kingdom of God- and I stepped into it this summer. The generals of the armies of God came together as we ran deeper into the love of Daddy God as He breathed life into us and into our dreams.
He is such a good dad. So often we go to Him as if we hope He is in a good mood, not really expecting that He won’t have better things to do than respond to us. Ohhhh have I learned differently. I don’t have to strive for God to like me. He actually likes me just because I’m me. He likes me for who I am when no one else is around. So I can go to Him without fear or condemnation because I am His and He loves me. I have been so set free from the Spirit of religion.
I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m tired of “doing church.” And even in doing church Ive been seeking God, but there is more. For so long I have acted like a slave toward God. Do, do, do, do, do. “I’m doing this for God.” Or even better… “I’m doing this to please God.” As pure as these motives may be, they really miss the heart of who He is. God doesn’t want slaves, He wants SONS. He wants daughters. And when we get into a mentality that says. “God only loves me if I am doing good things.” That is completely untrue, as it is characteristic of wordly love. Worldy love loves under conditions. Worldly love only gives to those who deserve it. Worldly love only appreciates those who strive. You have to work for what you want in this world and if you miss the mark- well then you suck. But that’s why God is so amazing… because His unconditional love is not even rational.
God does not desire for us to follow rules, but for us to know Him. To walk in love.
The gospel can be summed up in one word: LOVE.
Actual love, like the love we all dream about. The kind of love that we dream to see… like when it seems like our world is falling apart and we just wish that someone would step out of their world and into ours long enough to feel our hearts, to affirm us that we matter and that our hearts are valuable…and sometimes even just to know when we need a hug. Whether we know it or not we are all hungry for a culture where people forgive eachother and live at peace, sharing what they have- not in greed but in generosity, always willing to listen and always taking others into consideration with a heart of genuine love and intentionality. That’s what God wants too. God didn’t send Jesus just so we could get a “free get out of jail” pass, but that we could be so filled with His nature that we create a culture of radical love that brings healing and restoration all over the world.
As a culture we have pinpointed God as the antagonist, because He is sovereign. If there is a God and He is good, why do bad things happen? Well, honestly, because of sin. Because of Satan. Because the root of evil is envy, selfish ambition, pride, anger, lust. etc. The fact of the matter is, that there’s a huge battle in the Heavenlies that we cannot even see. The opposition is very real and there truly is an enemy of God who is out for your very life- for my very life. He almost won the battle for my life, had God not completely “redeemed my life from the pit and crowned me with love and compassion.” (Ps103:4)
So often we try to convince people that life with God is better, when people see no reason for it because life without God is just fine. And we haven’t given people much reason to think otherwise. Too often we are so self consumed or trying to get people to change that we don’t stop to love the person in front of us. Or we are so serious about life that we forget that life with God all comes back to peace, love, and joy… such trust and faith in our father that we can be like children in the presence of the King. As it says, “ I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” (Mark10:15) When you actually trust God to take care of you it really sets you free in a way that cannot be manipulated or found from any other source. I am continually trying to learn how to become more childlike- allowing God to kill my childish ways but raising me up into a mature little girl who trusts Him with my whole heart. Oh, the irony of the Kingdom of God.
When you truly encounter God, it changes you to the core of who you are. As you continually become undone in the presence of His love, it allows you to go out and be “a little Jesus- a child of God filled with His love, walking on the earth”. Without that connection of intimacy, all is lost. It is this lack that the theology of judgementalism is born out of. The Spirit of Judgement and Hatred in the church is the influence of the demonic, as one cannot spent honest and genuine time in the intimacy of the Father without gaining His heart for the broken and needy of the world. And HIS heart is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, rich in love (Ps145). God actually weeps for the nations of the world to come home and to be reconciled into His family. To have his children receive all that He has to offer them, as He has so much love and He is just bursting to reveal Himself and all of His goodness to those who would diligently seek Him with their whole heart (Jer29:13).
Satan’s goal is to get you to sleep through life …or think you’re better than everyone else… or think that if you could just get more money then everything will be okay… or if you could just get married then your life can start. But they are all lies.
God offers Himself. And once you get a taste of who He is, nothing this world can offer you is better.
I always used to wonder what the big deal in the psalms was, the things people would say about God. Haven’t you ever wondered what the big deal was? People had found something that was worth dying for. People have literally been sawed in half for the gospel (Heb11). And most of us are content just sitting in church, fulfilling our religious duties. I’d say we’re missing something. I’d say that they found something that most of us have yet to find. But it is in radical intimacy with Him that you begin to understand. I can finally say with all my heart that I understand that kind of adoration for the King of Kings. His love and His Kingdom is truly something that is worth dying for- and I cannot imagine living another day without Him by my side, holding my heart, taking care of me. I have found the love of my life in Him.
I guess to return to the topic of Mozambique and all that I experienced there…I learned so much about the Kingdom of God and what the true gospel is supposed to look like. God has begun to raise me up as His own daughter, into a person who would carry His DNA.
In Mozambique we also saw miracles. We saw the blind be healed before our very eyes. We saw God multiply food for over 1,000 people who shouldn’t have been able to eat. We saw God do so much… but the biggest miracle I saw was God raising me from the dead.... and teaching me that there is a different way to live life than what I’ve seen. He taught me things like, “its okay to be happy.” I cannot count how many times He told me that this summer. How’s that for your theology? God had to tell me to cheer up, haha. God is actually nice. And he’s happy. Happier than us most of the time…
He spoke so many things over me and I will cling to what He has spoken. My identity is in who He says I am, because He is the only one who really sees me for who I am and He loves me unlike anyone on this earth ever could.
So I will be faithful to Him until the end and I will not compromise in any way or bow my knee to anyone or anything but Him.
Because besides, love isn’t love until there’s a choice to love. And I choose Jesus.
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